my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
