Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
