hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
