One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
