2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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