I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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