R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
