Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
