you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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