And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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