i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
