He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
