I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize