You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are we still banned from the library?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
