those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
