Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize