sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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