Just cropdusted the office
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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