I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
