"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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