What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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