dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
