I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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