That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
