Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
