Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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