Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
