Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm too high and old for this...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
