Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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