At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These tits shall not be calmed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
