And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
