I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
