i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
