Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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