theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
