his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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