I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
