ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
