Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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