so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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