I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
