If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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