I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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