If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
