JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
