I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
