i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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