I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
