My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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