Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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