I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
