Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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