thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
