I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
