so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
