one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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