Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My breasts were aching with rage.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
