I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
