I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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