I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
