I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
