making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
