dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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