I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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